I can finally patch back with Joel. And my fcukup father fcuking break us apart. Even i anger on this. I can't anger it finish. I really so pissed off. I really don't know what to do . I want to kill myself. And i really want to . But i scare it hurt. My whole body now is numb. If i kill myself with a knife, will it hurt? You know, w/o you i think my life is meaningless. No matter how much i cried it doesn't even matter. No matter how much i cried it doesn't make my dad softheart. No matter how much i cried i can never be with him. No matter how much i cried nobody understand my feelings. No matter how much i cried nobody would even know .. I hate you, daddy. I really do. I don't know why i would hate my own father that much. I don't know why.. You didn't even thought my feelings. You just thought of your face. You thought of your own face.. Not your daughter feelings.. Ihateyou veryvery much, that all i want to say. I'm a stubborn kid. I want mean i want.. I won't let him go means i won't. You understand ? Law didn't say that 14 can't have a boyfriend. If thats law. Everybody is at the prison now. If that law. You won't watch me living at singapore anymore. If that law, i wouldn't be with anyone alr. If that law, you'll get send to prison too. I just now was crying till my whole body numb. Till i can't open my hand. I open once the bone pain twice. You know what? You do this to me, you'll regret it . Believe me. I will never listen to anyone again. Let me tell you, i can ton every where i want , alone. I can be with guys i want alone. I can even go to hostel, i don't give a damn. You'll regret. Send me to hostel then . Seriously, i don't give a damn. W/o him my life is meaningless. YOU UNDERSTAND?! No you will not understand how i feel. If you really my father, understand me. Look after me till i grow up. You didn't even do that. And you break my first love. I hate you, i seriously do. I really don't know what to do. I just hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hateyou . I hateyou. I hateyou. Ihateyou. Ihateyou. Ihateyou.